Before Baby Arrives, Make a Plan for You, TOO

A conversation with expectant mom MaKenzie Ramsey about preparing for parenthood, asking for help, and making room for your own needs.

read time: ~8 minutes

The hospital bag is almost packed. The baby clothes are organized. You have thought about where your newborn will sleep.

But who will make sure you eat lunch? Who can take over when you need a shower? And if you are struggling emotionally, do you know whom to call?

In this week’s Day in the Life episode, MaKenzie speaks with us just a few weeks before her due date. With a master’s degree in developmental psychology and years of experience working with children, she brought plenty of knowledge to pregnancy. She was also thinking carefully about the everyday realities ahead: nighttime feedings, exhaustion, her health, and learning to ask for help. [1]

One piece of advice she shared stayed with us:

“Don’t wait until you are exhausted to ask someone for help.”— MaKenzie Ramsey, Day in the Life, approximately 24:57

Last week, in Safe Sleep for Real Life, we talked about planning for the exhausted moments. This week, we are widening that conversation. Preparing for a baby includes preparing care for the person who will be caring for them.

Your Needs Belong in the Plan

During pregnancy, MaKenzie began looking for a therapist and met with one before delivery. She wanted to establish a connection and have a plan if she needed support later. Knowing that a path to help already existed eased some of her anxiety.

Her story is one example of preparation. Every family’s needs and access to care will look different. But conversations about emotional health can begin during pregnancy, even if you are feeling well.

You’re not alone if you struggle after having a baby. A 2024 government report found that about 1 in 8 new moms said they had signs of depression after giving birth. These were moms describing how they felt, not official diagnoses, but it shows how common these feelings are. That’s why it’s worth thinking about your emotional health now, before your baby arrives. [2]

Those feelings don’t always show up right away. In one CDC study, more than half of the moms who were feeling depressed when their babies were 9 or 10 months old hadn’t felt that way earlier. So it helps to have someone who keeps checking on you even after the visits and meal drop-offs slow down. [11]

The good news is that talking with someone early can help. Researchers looked at 17 studies with more than 3,000 pregnant and new moms. Those who got counseling were less likely to develop depression than those who didn’t. Most of these moms already had things that put them at higher risk, like past depression or a lot of stress. Counseling isn’t a guarantee, and one visit won’t prevent depression, but it can make a real difference. [3]

Because of this research, experts recommend that doctors and midwives connect pregnant and new moms who may be at higher risk with counseling. At your next appointment, ask whether counseling could be a good fit for you and how to get it. [4]

Supporting You is Part of Supporting Your Baby

We often talk about the small exchanges that shape early development: noticing a baby’s cues, talking during a diaper change, or responding to a sound with a sound of your own.

Harvard’s Center on the Developing Child identifies supporting responsive relationships and reducing sources of family stress as two principles for improving outcomes for children and families.

That framework includes the conditions surrounding caregivers, such as access to healthcare, food, housing, and childcare. [5]

For a family preparing for birth, the practical question becomes: What could make daily care more manageable?

  • A meal delivery might remove one task.
  • A trusted caregiver might make time for a parent’s appointment.
  • A friend might help navigate a referral.

These are ways to put support into everyday life.

You do not need to be calm every minute or turn every interaction into a lesson. Your needs matter in their own right, and caring for them belongs alongside caring for your child.

Make Your Support Specific

MaKenzie has family and friends she can count on. For her, the hard part wasn’t finding help. It was letting herself accept it:

“Starting to give myself permission to ask people for help and to not feel so guilty about when I do.”
— MaKenzie Ramsey, Day in the Life, approximately 13:15

If that sounds familiar, you’re not the only one. A lot of us want to prove we can handle things on our own. We don’t want to be a bother. We tell ourselves we should be able to do it all. But asking for help doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re taking care of yourself so you can take care of your baby.

A specific request gives another person something clear to respond to:

  • “Could you bring dinner on Tuesday and leave it at the door?”
  • “Would you hold the baby while I shower, if you are well and comfortable doing that?”
  • “Can you handle the laundry when you visit?”
  • “Could you check in on me next week and ask how I am doing?”

If you are the person offering support, offer a task and a time. Let the parent tell you what would actually help, and respect their answer.

A Simple Plan for the First Weeks

The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists recommends developing a postpartum care plan during pregnancy, including conversations about feeding, emotional health, recovery, and ongoing health conditions. [6]

Use the following questions to start your own conversation. You can write the answers in a shared note on your phone.

1. Arrange help with daily tasks

Choose the jobs that someone else could take on: meals, groceries, dishes, laundry, pet care, or older children’s transportation. Name a person for each task and confirm what they can realistically offer. If you have a partner, share responsibility for organizing the help, too.

2. Talk through nights and rest

Discuss how feeding, diaper changes, soothing, and household responsibilities might be shared. Ask your healthcare team about feeding questions and your recovery needs. An awake helper may be able to handle settling or changing the baby while the recovering parent rests.

Keep your baby’s separate, firm, flat, level sleep space ready, and share the same safe sleep plan with every caregiver. Our safe sleep blog explains the recommendations and how to find crib or play yard assistance. [7]

3. Save your care contacts

Keep your prenatal and postpartum care provider’s number, after-hours instructions, pharmacy, and any mental health contacts in one place. Ask before delivery when your own follow-up should happen and how to get help sooner if needed.

MaKenzie’s account of waiting months for a specialist appointment is a reminder that making a referral and receiving care can be very different experiences. Ask about waitlists, insurance, telehealth, and alternatives early. [1]

4. Plan check-ins that include you

Choose someone who will ask about your mood, recovery, and whether you are getting help. Be honest about what feels difficult. If you develop persistent sadness, anxiety, anger, or difficulty functioning, contact your healthcare provider promptly. You do not need to wait for a scheduled appointment to raise a concern. Depression is treatable. [8]

5. Agree on visitors and a backup

Decide what length of visit feels manageable, who can communicate your preferences, and what visitors can do to help. Then ask: What happens if our usual helper is sick or unavailable? Save a backup contact or service, even if the backup can only cover one small need.

If Your Village is Small

A support plan should fit the resources you have. Some families live far from relatives. Some are parenting alone, working with limited leave, or facing costs and waiting lists. Those barriers are real, and a checklist cannot remove them.

At your next prenatal appointment, try asking:

“I am worried about managing after delivery. Can someone help me find local support, affordable counseling, or a home-visiting program?”

Your hospital or clinic may have a social worker or care coordinator who can help you explore available services. Postpartum Support International offers support navigation, online groups, and a directory of perinatal mental health professionals. 211 can help you look for local food, housing, healthcare, and caregiver resources. Ask programs directly about costs, eligibility, and availability. [9, 10]

Take one step this week

You do not have to finish the whole plan today. Choose one person and one practical request. Save one care number. Bring one question to your next appointment.

If you are supporting an expectant parent, ask what would make their first week at home easier and agree on something you can do.

Across our recent conversations about student parents, NICU families, childcare, and safe sleep, we keep returning to the people around a family. This conversation with MaKenzie brings that support into the weeks before birth, when there is still time to make a call or begin an honest conversation.

Going deeper to learn more

Have more questions? Ask Buddy

Need help organizing your questions or starting a conversation with your support people? Visit BabyBrain.ai and ask Buddy, our AI parent companion:

“Help me make a practical support plan for the first weeks after my baby arrives. Include questions for my healthcare provider and specific ways other people can help.”

Explore The Build a Brain Project for learning and connection with other caregivers. Buddy provides educational support; your healthcare team is the right place for individual medical or mental health concerns.

As you prepare to welcome your baby, leave room in the plan for your own care. You deserve support before you reach the end of your energy.

Sources

  1. Day in the Life with MaKenzie Ramsey. Supplied podcast transcript. Relevant passages begin around 06:13, 08:35, 13:15, and 24:57. Quotation punctuation and capitalization standardized for readability.
  2. Federal Interagency Forum on Child and Family Statistics. (2024). America’s Children: Special Issue 2024, Maternal and Infant Health and Well-Being. Maternal Postpartum Depressive Symptoms, p. 18. Uses 2021 data from CDC PRAMS, Ohio OPAS, and California MIHA; 13.3% reported postpartum depressive symptoms.
  3. O’Connor, E., Senger, C. A., Henninger, M. L., Coppola, E., & Gaynes, B. N. (2019). Interventions to Prevent Perinatal Depression: Evidence Report and Systematic Review for the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force. JAMA, 321(6), 588–601. Counseling pooled risk ratio 0.61, 95% CI 0.47–0.78.
  4. U.S. Preventive Services Task Force. (2019). Perinatal Depression: Preventive Interventions. Grade B recommendation for people at increased risk.
  5. Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University. Three Principles to Improve Outcomes for Children and Families.
  6. American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. (2018). Optimizing Postpartum Care. Committee Opinion No. 736. Obstetrics & Gynecology, 131, e140–e150.
  7. Build a Brain. Safe Sleep for Real Life. See linked AAP and NIH guidance and crib assistance resources.
  8. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2024). Symptoms of Depression Among Women.
  9. Postpartum Support International. Get Help.
  10. United Way 211. Find Local Support.
  11. Robbins, C. L., Ko, J. Y., D’Angelo, D. V., et al. (2023). Timing of Postpartum Depressive Symptoms. Preventing Chronic Disease, 20, 230107. https://doi.org/10.5888/pcd20.230107. Seven-state study using 2019 PRAMS data and follow-up through April 2020; findings describe self-reported symptoms.